My Only Defense by Leigh Lennon is out now! Check out the gorgeous contemporary MM romance, and get your copy today!
Love sucks! There I said it. I’ve never looked for it, nor do I want it. All it seems to do is cause open wounds. I already suffer from the guilt of a horrific accident. I won’t let love suck me down the rabbit hole. But Murphy’s Law is a diva out to destroy my life. Someone sees me for more than just a one and done and though I’ve pushed men away for years, he’s refreshing. But remember that diva I told you about, she’s sort of a b**** too. Yeah, love more than sucks but since I can’t use the words I want, I’ll just stick to that because the man I want has a connection with me, no one knows about.
I met a man. Sure he’s a little detached and cynical. Though, try telling my heart he’s all wrong for me. I’ve been over it with this particular traitorous part of my body. And, I do the one thing I never do with my hook-ups. I give him a way to reach me. But it’s more—I almost beg him to call me after my next deployment. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, I’m in the military and am shipping out. I want him to be my welcoming party, when I come home, yet, when I unravel every complicated part of Garrison Fisher, I find more and more I should run from. But I can’t. He’s broken, but after my time in the military, I’m broken too. Can we fix one another and heal the wounds that may very well tear us apart?
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I haven’t had enough beer or scotch or bourbon or rum to endure the I’m concerned for you speech I get from this crew of people. It should make me feel secure in the friendships of so many who care for me. But it doesn’t.
Making my way through small groups of people mingling together, I see many teammates huddled up, partaking in different conversations. I hear Ryder’s voice carry through the crowd. I’m on my way to him in an attempt to bow out for the night. I’m tired, grumpy, and want to go over some more statistics before I fall asleep with my laptop open.
I have the Uber app pulled up on my phone and blindly walk over to find Ryder.
I’m overcome with this searing feeling I’m being watched. Darting my gaze over to the set of eyes that I can feel are on me, like the sun on a clear day, I’m met with the one person who I’ve been trying to forget for way too long. Charging toward me is the handsome and familiar face of Lawson Solaritez, and he’s anything but happy to see me. Oh, fuck!
I’m paralyzed, unable to move, his eyes piercing me, and the entire group he’s a part of stops, staring at our interaction. With Crush near his husband, I hear him ask, “Did you know, Ryder?”
But nothing fazes the angry Navy SEAL. His entire gaze is ready to set me on fire. With the heat in his eyes, the kind I’m not accustomed to, I turn on my heels, taking my leave. I won’t come clean with him, not in this house, not ever. He’s been hurt enough, and by the flames ready to destroy me, he’s already one step in the right direction. But the memory of his family being lowered into the ground will only hurt him further.
I’m around the corner of this mansion type of home when the strong arms of Law pull me back to him. Six months we fucked, and I’d know his touch anywhere.
We’re just far enough away from everyone, and we have privacy when he backs my body against the farthest wall, his one arm pushing my shoulder against it and the other over my hand.
“What the fuck?” These are his words.
“No hello?” Yeah, I’m an asshole—it’s the only way I know when I’m met head-on with a crisis. “It’s the normal way to greet people.”
“Hello, asshole.” His eyes widen, and his words are just as cold. “Now, with our pleasantries out of the way, want to explain ghosting me?”
I choke on the air, attempting to explain the ridiculousness of his little tantrum. I clear my throat, and I seem to breathe normally again. “Are you serious right now, Law? I believe your words were something along these lines—‘I know this isn’t what we do, but the ball is in your court.’ This is my paraphrase, but I think I’m pretty fucking close. So, don’t act as if you have a reason to be upset.”
He lets go of my shoulder, but his body is still pressed against mine. I’ve dreamed of him every day since saying goodbye to him six months ago. And there’s nothing I’d rather do than allow him to ravage every part of me.
“Give me something, Gary. We had a connection and, by your reaction, I know you wanted more from me. I didn’t give you a chance to answer, but I expected something. Yeah, my words were just words because I felt it, here.” He places his hand on my heart. “Here, Gary—right here. I didn’t imagine anything, and I’m left to wonder why the hell you’ve changed. I have the right to know. Fuck, you know my name. I know nothing about you. Just tell me your name. I know it’s not Gary. Give me something so that when I dream of you, I’ll know it was real, if only for a second.”
“It doesn’t matter what we felt here.” I give myself permission this one time to touch him, and I place my hand over his. “I don’t have any right to care—catching feelings for you.”
“Gary.” His lips skirt around my left cheek, stopping at my neck, just enough that he nips my skin on his way to my right cheek. “I don’t do this. I don’t care for the men I fuck, but for six months, what got me through my deployment was the fact that I felt you’d be here, waiting for me. Tell me you don’t want my lips on yours. Or going a step further, my lips wrapped around your cock.”
I take in a deep, strangled breath, and I’m on the edge of another coughing fit. Law’s lips take the same path, back to my left cheek. “I know there’s something here, baby. Please, give me something. Anything,” Law pleads.
I move my hand to his cheek, so close to me, the pine of his aftershave bringing back every memory of us at the seedy hotel room. But I didn’t care about the room, just his cock deep inside of me.
“Law, I’ve hurt you enough in your life. Once you know who I am, there’s no way you could feel anything for me.”
He backs away, just enough that his two hands cup my face, and I miss his body heat against me.
“Baby, unless you’re a serial killer, I don’t give a fuck about your past.”
“You don’t even know my name. You’ll feel different. I swear, it’s best to remember the great times we had and to part ways right now, without any questions asked, like we agreed to when we started fucking.”
The amber rings around his hazel eyes plead with me, and I can’t say no. But after I reveal my identity, all that will be between us—are the memories we once shared.
“Gary, tell me, baby. I want to know.”
It’s my turn to cup his cheeks. “Law, my name isn’t Gary. I’m a sports broadcaster. I’ve known Ryder for many years. He’s one of my best friends; the sneaky bastard set this all up. But I covered a story almost three years ago. It affected you—more than I thought it would. I was just doing my job. But, then again, you probably know me better as Garrison Fisher. The man who destroyed your brother and got your pregnant sister-in-law killed.”
I don’t wait for him to process this, and fuck, he’ll undoubtedly need time to digest everything I’ve shared. But I can’t watch his face as it morphs into understanding. I just won’t.
Read the Standalone Series:
My Only Reason
My Only Regret
My Only Wish – Coming January 27th
About the Author
I am a woman who loves to share all my imaginary friends with the world.
My characters become as real to me as those I call family.
I am a girl, who loves pretty nails, spikey hair and large earrings.
Coffee and wine call to me daily, depending on the time of the day.
I am a mom first and foremost and my kids are the breath of my life.
I met my husband while serving in the military and I am proud to say he’s kicked cancer’s ass!
I write real life issues that reflect a little of my own little world.
My family tolerates the seventh member of our family, my computer, as I lug this vital piece everywhere I go.